I used to get really powerful Migraine headaches. All I get now is the precursor to them. I’m sure I was under a helluvalot of stress as a child. I’m sure just being alive everyday was an effort. I never knew what was going to happen from one moment to the next, and making plans was more miss than hit.
Our family, our family.. family? Oh whatever, the people I lived with didn’t seem to give more than a second thought to the fact that from time to time I was totally imobilised in pain. I can even remember my brother and sister being so imobilised. They got sick from time to time too. I felt guilty when they were, as if I was the cause, like it was my fault! I just seemed to naturally accept responsibility for everything.
For some mindless reason our parents didn’t believe in pain relief, for children. They certainly did believe in pain relief for themselves. One time our mother spilled boiling fat on her hands, yes it felt like it was my fault as I witnessed it. Oh she was in terrible pain, it was horrific. My dad was just useless, he showed no sympathy whatsoever. It was like he said “What do you think you’re doing you silly woman?” Wow I thought, how heartless! I can recall ambulances going to the house but I can’t recall if it was for that incident of some other?
I know a Taxi stopped outside our house one time and a woman had a baby in it. That was pretty exciting. An Ambulance arrived for her, and her baby. I was having a real close look at those events until my dad dragged me away by my neck, around my collar! It was just getting to the good bit. It was so annoying, I almost had “practical sex education!”
For days later my mum’s hands were a wrapped up in, official from a doctor or nurse bandages, and they had to be changed regularly. And a nurse came, was it Mrs Murray or another nurse, I dunno, so there was pain relief involved. Really good pain relief. I could have done with some of that for my headaches. But even convincing people I had a headache was the hard part. Hands burned with boiling fat is easy to prove. Headaches not so easy, you can’t see a headache!
So I’d go for hours in agony. Literally agony. If you’ve ever had a Migraine Headache you’ll know what I’m talking about. They are absolutely diabolical! My eyes went all wonky. I couldn’t focus, I got split vision. I couldn’t watch TV, any kind of light made them worse. And they’d just arrive out of nowhere! One time I recall we were going to somewhere in Wellington, and my Grandmother was there, my dads mother. I was sitting on her lap on the front seat of the car, no seat belts. My mum had to sit in the back with the other 2 kids, I dunno why it was like that. Grandma was to be obeyed! Maybe that was the wrong impression, I could have had things confused?
And it was real fast Migraine, it was all over and done with in half an hour. At the end of a Migraine I threw up and passed out. So that’s what happened, I felt ill, my vision went, my head ached, pounding pain. Sitting in the front of the car with the sun beating down on me, and I just felt this sensation in my mouth and everything in my stomach came out, in a rush, right on Grandma’s feet. And I didn’t feel quite so well afterwards, when I woke up, and they were asking me “Why didn’t you say something?” I dunno I didn’t have a answer. I didn’t have time to say anything, it was just so quick, any other time I have a Migraine nobody takes any notice anyway, it wasn’t like it was a big fucken deal!
They’d offer me Aspirin that is the correct spelling by the way, Aspirin, weird word. It comes from the bark of a tree, so there, get used to it, so it’s NATURAL pain relief. It’s much better for you NATURAL pain relief, that it doesn’t fucken work is irrelevant! Well it doesn’t work for Migraine put it that way! Every fucken time I got a Migraine all they’d give me was Aspirin, and they’d wait so long to give it to me I’d just throw up, and pass out anyway. By the time I left home, their home that is, I had convinced myself I was allergic to Aspirin. It was that which was causing me to throw up. I had it all worked out.
My doctor said “Don’t be so stupid, If you were allergic to Aspirin with the amount you’ve had you’d be dead by now!” “The problem is you’re using the wrong type of pain relief, Aspirin is for mild pain, not Migraine.” I spent I dunno, days maybe throughout my childhood in agony for no reason, because I had the wrong type of pain relief, and there was a pain relief that was suitable for children.
Fucking stupid parents, MINE!