Manipulating the Truth

As I have said many times, when I was a kid I believed I was the ugliest person in the world. There had to be some reason why when I was doing nothing other students would stab me with sewing needles in my hands, pins, drawing pins, anything sharp. My pastime was not being there, and their’s was making my life miserable.

Maybe they had noticed I’d drifted off to nowhere? Maybe sometimes when they did those things I didn’t respond at all? That makes sense, I suppose, if you’re cruel mean and nasty. Are children cruel mean and nasty, yes they bloodywell are!

I got into heaps of trouble for not following instructions. Halfway though it I’d just drift away, so I’d hear the first part, and the last part, but the middle part I didn’t hear. I wasn’t actually present, in my mind. What’s that saying “the lights are on but nobody’s home.” That was me, that still is me, from time to time.

Even the medication does stop it all, but it happens much less frequently with the medication. So I’ll put up with the nausea that is intermittent, and put up with the ignorant adults I meet from time to time who don’t have brains that just turn off without warning.

But it was more than that. I looked ugly. I have plenty of evidence to prove that. My parents agreed my image should be manipulated so that I looked right, acceptable, good enough to be called ‘their child.’

Neither my brother or my sister had manipulation to that degree of their image.

My parents had no desire to make me feel good about myself, they didn’t even try. What was the point, I’d already ruined my mothers life, just by being born it seemed.

She didn’t make any secret of it, she tried to give me away when I was 10, and tried to kill me when I was 8! I was late home from school, so she beat the crap out of me, not even appropriate for those days, or maybe it was?

Compared to today, growing up in 1960’s New Zealand was vicious! Well it was in Wainuiomata. I wasn’t the only kid beaten to a pulp. Remember Murray? I do.

graeme53

Those teeth are a sign of XXY. I don’t know if ALL XXY guys have giant teeth, but there is a condition called “Taurodontism” which involves a huge pulp cavity, thin enamel, and twisted roots. Not just XXY guys are affected by it, but if there’s a guy with them, who’s quite tall, skinny, no muscles, no body hair, yeah I’d suggest a compete physical examination, and karyotype.

My teeth were, well huge. They regularly went straight through my top and bottom lips. Every time I was punched in the mouth, they went straight through. Every time I fell over and landed on my face, they went straight through, I got tired of drinking my own blood, and they just seemed to attract attention.

So in most of my school photos I have my mouth closed, and I didn’t smile very much, I had to be tricked into it because I knew as soon as my teeth were seen, people’s whole attitude toward me changed.

graeme020