Organised Chaos

This blog is organised like my mind, if it pops into my mind I’ll write about it, that’s it. There is no precise planning.

Working out what came out of my penis that first night my Grandfather stayed in 1970, was mission. Murray wasn’t there to talk to, Blossom wasn’t there, I never talked to my parents anyway, and it wasn’t just a puberty thing, I mean NEVER. My sister was estranged, my brother was way too young, and Granddad, I didn’t know him. I even forgot he was staying with us.

I found a jacket in MY wardrobe. It wasn’t my brother’s it was MINE, only MY clothes were in the wardrobe as he had no clothes that needed hanging up, and I had my Scout uniform. So it was MY wardrobe. There was this strange jacket in there, and I wondered “who the hell was using MY wardrobe?” Bloody cheek! So I searched it, looking for the tell tale signs of the creep who was invading MY space! I was very possessive.

Then it rattled. It sounded like money. I had a BANK in my wardrobe, and I never noticed it before! I was intrigued, someone gave me jacket full of money? I was rapt for about 20 seconds. That’s how long it took for me to remember that the reason the divan bed was down, was because Granddad was staying, and this must be HIS jacket!

“Oh fuck” I thought, I was good not only as thinking “oh fuck” but saying it also. That got me into lots of shit. I had to put everything back quickly, in the right places, I was panicking. I started to sweat. Oh god if I get caught I’ll be accused of stealing it, I know I will, it’s an absolute. Tears started to well up, oh god what will I do? All this because some prick wanted to use MY wardrobe without ASKING.

I had to ask for everything, but nobody had to ask me for anything, this isn’t fair. I had a strong sense of fairness, and what wasn’t.

All this anxiety that I’d created in my head, was for no reason. I put the jacket back and that was it, nobody said a thing.