Reply to Trans Guy

Can I have a post that doesn’t have a title as I can’t think of one?

How about ‘Reply to Trans Guy?’

Shall I re-upload my video I made primarily for Transmen here at WordPress, nah better not, why bother I can just link to it, or embed it, and get more views/plays. I can do that, that sounds awfully mercenary like, type of behaviour.

Is it part of being male to objectify females?

If I do I’m not aware of it. Maybe it was just that one guy in his apartment block who objectifies females, or thinks he has to, to be a real man?

I’ve been through this ‘real man’ shit before.

My doctor is far too professional to use such a stupid phrase.

Then again when I first moved to this town I’m in now, not knowing where anything was, I ended up walking the entire width of the town from where I was staying to attend at a doctors surgery. I tend to do that you know 1, walk and 2, go to doctors surgeries. It’s just something about me, probably that XXY something?

I need testosterone for a sex life. For energy. For masculinity. For happiness. I like being male. I’m quite happy to walk across a town’s width to get testosterone. In the phone book the two places I wanted to get to were side by side! I do that too, make ridiculous assumptions. Never mind, done now.

So there I was at this brand new doctors surgery, in this brand new town I’d recently arrived at, and I needed a script for testosterone. I need other drugs as well but I really need testosterone, and I really needed it right then. Sweating profusely, I tend to do that when I walk cross town. Cross Country with buildings. What’s going to happen, yeah I know what’s going to happen, what always happens, touchy squeezy da bally things, that’s what’s going to happen. Trouble is they’re not real anymore, and I know if I protest I won’t get the testosterone I so urgently need.

In any other place that is called BLACKMAIL!

That causes anxiety of course. Add another couple of degrees of heat. A few more litres of sweat. Full body tremors, they come back with a vengeance. I can’t stop myself from shaking long enough to light my smoke, whoops forgot, smoking inside is not allowed! I wonder will he want me to have an erection too? That’s a worry, more anxiety, more sweat, why did I even bother to get out of bed? Oh that’s right I remember, I NEED testosterone!

I’m an XXY guy, I really suffer from anxiety. I don’t smoke tobacco for no reason, it’s much more than just a mere addiction. I can literally make myself physically sick with worry, and it’s all imagined! Imagined on the basis of some fairly compelling real life situations, mind you!

It’s finally my turn, I get to see the doctor. Can I report that all my anxiety was for no reason? It has worked out that way many times before, like when I found my Grandfather’s jacket in my wardrobe. It would be nice to have imagined it all, but it wasn’t, I was 100% accurate. When you’re XXY you’re like a ‘pot of gold’ to a brand new doctor, well almost any doctor really.

I have to put in a mild protest of course. “They’re not real, you don’t have to do this, it’s in my notes, you can read all about it, I’ve not had real balls for years, there’s nothing to squeeze, if you want to know what prostheses feel like you can always buy your own pair, I did!” To no useful avail, why I even bother talking I don’t know! It’s like watching a circumcision ‘operation’ the baby’s screaming his lungs out, and the doctor appears completely oblivious to his suffering, and just continues anyway!

Oh and I have added a physical protest in the past, when I had real balls too, and they crushed them as that what it felt like, crushing, and I’d push their hand off me. I was so much weaker and smaller than them though, they could easily overpower me, and did. One even pinned my arms to the couch with his right leg and left hand, and crushed my balls with his right hand. I call that torture!

This is called an ‘examination’ by the way, just in case you’re confused, this isn’t assault. I willingly put myself though this every time I see a brand new doctor. I don’t have any fucking choice! I’m really angry about it too, I just thought I’d chuck that in for measure.

“Leave me alone, why don’t you leave me alone, just leave me alone, leave me alone…..” someone should write a song using those words! I can think of a tune for them too, this one!

Do men really objectify women as a function of our being? I think it must be practiced, or learned behaviour. I think many men are used to objectifying all sorts of people, especially men doctors.

Oh and because I didn’t have an instant erection, and because in my notes it says what level of testosterone I was prescribed at that time, the brand new doctor said “I think you’ve got enough testosterone, you’re taking too much, you don’t need any more.” “Ohh?” I inquisitively questioned, leaning my head to one side – this is called looking at someone sideways. “You’re shaking, sweating, anxious, and impotent, all the signs of too much testosterone” he added.

I have excellent reason to be anxious.

Is this what happens to Transmen who go to their doctors for more testosterone, as I know they need it? Do you have to flop your ‘package’ out so the doctor can examine it in fine detail? Do you have your foreskin pulled back to induce an erection? Oh no that’s right, Tran’s men’s prostheses don’t have a foreskin, and their penis is not erectable.

To get the full male experience you need to have male genitals, and it helps if you’re an XXY male, not that I’ve been any other kind of male, but my presumably XY male friends don’t report anything even remotely similar. They never have their real balls squeezed at all.

what graeme's balls really really do look like_wmv_1

I did get the testosterone in the end, when I said I didn’t have a car and had to walk everywhere. When I gave him my Endocrinologists phone number to call. As I said, “It’s all in my notes, you don’t have to do this!”