This is a topic I canvassed with Dr Tony Marks, Psychiatrist, in 1989.
By the time 1989 came along, life was no better. I had worked for the same company since 1983 to 1987 (mini share market crash) when I was made redundant and had not found steady employment for quite some time. I was under pressure to pay my mortgage, of course, and my co-owner was playing up. I’m on a very low and infrequent income. I can’t afford the alcohol & drugs we used to take every weekend, anymore.
For most of the 1980’s I didn’t see John at all. I’d put all this crap on the back burner thinking I was getting on with life, but really it was all just simmering away in the background, being drugged out of thought. I was a pot-head, and I experimented with any other drug I could get my hands on, I’d try anything, at least once! That’s when I discovered I had a propensity to grow plants, I was really very good at it, and it was a great way to supplement income.
According to my records I saw John in 1980, then not again until 1989. At about 1980 I switched to Panteston capsules, that’s testosterone undecanoate, the form that is undetectable in a standard blood test! One which I considered would be best as I’d not have to visit my doctor so often, would not be examined so often, and would not need to have so many blood tests. But there was a down side. There’s always a down side I’ve come to realise. The down side was I couldn’t remember to take the damn things often enough.
The more pills one has to take in a day the more chances exist that one will forget to take them, and that’s human nature too! My dad when he was alive was on medications all nicely packed up in plastic bubble wrap packs, and he often forgot to take them. I’m the same today too. I have medication for heart disease, and I forget to take them, I even forget to take methylphenidate! Methylphenidate’s supposed to be an addictive drug, gawd I wish it was for me, then I’d never forget to take it!
When I was in full employment, that was pretty good. I saw Colin Calcinai (plastic surgeon) in 1981 for my great set of new balls, and once I’d recovered life was looking up. Lots of people my age took drugs then, I fitted in with them just nicely. I was living up to the prediction of “Understanding Klinefelter’s syndrome: a guide for XXY males and their families” and since that booklet wasn’t published until 1993, it became pretty spooky when I read it. I wasn’t sliding into quiet depression, I was hanging out with a dangerous crowd!
I was also the boss in the factory I worked at. I like being the boss. I was good at it. I started there making buttons, one at a time, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week! Boring wasn’t the word, how about mind numbing? Or tedious? Ahh but it was money, lots of money! I like money too. Prior to then I was trapping possums from the homes of wealthy middle class executives, who’d succumbed to their children’s wishes to feed the vermin in the bush round their luxurious homes. Those possums were fat, and the fatter a possum the more skin it takes to cover them, which means more fur, and more money! Even a ‘green’ possum was worth selling, that’s dead and unskinned.
Nobody believed me when I got around to mentioning I was treated for Klinefelter’s syndrome. No girl believed she was squeezing artificial balls. If they weren’t on birth control, I didn’t care, I didn’t need to care. I suppose the world wide AIDS epidemic was just starting to crank up then, it wasn’t a concern anyway. Yeah so sex was free and easy, apart from that down side. If I forgot to take my capsules I just didn’t feel in the mood. I was supposed to be taking 3 X 40mg capsules a day, one had the be at lunch time, and they all had to be taken with food. Testosterone undecanoate is transported round the body in fat, so I needed to eat and drink fat with each dose. That wasn’t a worry, I like eating fat, it’s great.
The worry was remembering to do it. Remembering to eat. When you’re the boss in a factory you gotta work long hours, it’s not a ‘doddle’ and fitting in time for food is not always all that easy, and of course my mood would suffer. I would get so irritable. I could have ‘slogged’ any one of those other employees who I was supposed to be ‘leading.’ I’d go for days without taking any Panteston, then I’d dose up large hoping to reinvigorate myself, and I convinced myself I had. Really though it was all just psychological. I was reporting effects in 1989 that were impossible, there just wasn’t enough time for the medication to wear in or wear off that fast!
The upshot of all that was to try the Testosterone Pellets, which were tried twice, and failed twice. My body just didn’t like them, they were exuded!